CHAPTER 10
This was stupid. So stupid. She’d just failed a PT test—a major violation for an officer—and she was standing here, bleeding and sore. And her body was on fire.
But not from the run or from the weakness in her leg.
From the warmth and concern looking back at her from Sean Nichols’s eyes.
“You couldn’t handle the idea that I wanted to be a soldier when we were younger,” she said.
“You’re right. I was selfish and immature. Things didn’t have to end up the way they did.” A pained admission.
“You made your choice. You chose your buddies over me.”
“And you chose your career over me.” For once, there was no blame in those words. Only a simple statement of fact.
“You’re right.” She pressed her lips into a flat line. “And look where that got me. Blown up, widowed, and now a single parent too stupid to get out of the Army and find a new job.”
“Don’t.” He cupped her cheek. “Don’t take away from everything you’ve accomplished, Sarah.”
She smiled hesitantly. “Who are you and what have you done with Sean Nichols?”
“War has a way of changing people. Making you see what’s really important.”
He stood too close. Close enough that she could clearly see the lines around his eyes, emphasized by the dark slashes beneath them.
She almost ran her fingers over the dark crease near the corner of his mouth. Almost. But she didn’t. Because it was taking too much of a step, too much of a chance. To cross the barriers between them that had become part of the myth her life was built on…it was singularly the most difficult and simplest task in the entire world.
Instead, she chose a dodge. A feint. A hesitant retreat to safer territory. “You don’t sleep.”
“Not much, no.” He cleared his throat, but his eyes never left hers.
“You should see a doc for that.” She squeezed her fingers tight around the gauze in her hand. “Not sleeping is bad for your health.”
His lips quirked. He said nothing.
“What?” she asked.
“That’s the first time anyone has worried about me in a long time.” His pulse beat slow and steady against the sunburnt skin of his neck.
It was tempting—far too tempting—to trace her finger over the line of his throat. To see if his skin felt like she remembered, or if it would be new. Different.
For the first time since Jack died, she let herself feel. A thousand emotions churned inside her heart, but one beat in constant rhythm with her pulse.
One that terrified her.
She took a single step backward, a full retreat now, thankfully more steady on her feet than she had been. Silence stretched between them.
He’d been the first man she’d ever loved. The first man who’d broken her heart for not loving her enough to let her be her own person.
And yet, he’d been there today when she’d fallen flat on her face. She’d expected an I told you so.
She hadn’t gotten it. Instead, she’d gotten a glimpse of the man Sean had become in the intervening decade or so since she’d last seen him.
Reminding her that she’d had a life once, before Jack. A life she’d lived just as fully with Sean.
Standing there with him as the sun rose over Fort Hood, she felt something resurrecting deep inside her. Something transforming as it returned to life. Old emotions mixing with new.
“Thank you,” she finally said. “For helping me today.”
He swallowed, and she tried not to be enthralled by the movement of his throat. Tried to ignore the faint curl of hair at the edge of his t-shirt and the smell of warm male skin.
“I’m glad I was here for you.” His gaze traveled down her body where the bandages had soaked through. “You might need to get those looked at.”
She grimaced. “You did a good job cleaning them out. I’ll put some Neosporin on them, and I’ll be fine.”
He smiled then. This time when he reached up to brush her cheek with his finger, she didn’t pull away. Didn’t flinch from the tenderness in that simple gesture. “You were always so damn stubborn, Sar,” he murmured.
* * *
He gave in to the urge to touch her. He lifted his hand and slowly brushed his fingers across her cheek. She closed her eyes at his touch and she was there, just there. Far too tempting for him to avoid any longer.
He couldn’t lie to himself, not about her. He’d never been very smart where Sarah was concerned.
He skimmed his finger over her skin, until her chin was cradled in his palm. Gently he brushed his thumb across her bottom lip. She was so still, she might have shattered if he moved too quickly. Her lips parted, and he heard the quick, quiet intake of breath.
It stirred a longing inside him that he’d thought he’d buried ages ago. He leaned in, barely brushing his lips against hers. She was still. Infinitely still. She didn’t move as he nudged her top lip with his. Hesitant. Questioning. Giving her time and space to back away.
Her breath hitched before she opened for him. Just the barest hint of movement, but it was enough.
It had been almost a decade since he’d tasted her but it was like that time had been only an instance. She tasted the same. Like Sarah. The one woman he’d loved. The one woman who’d devastated him when she’d told him no. He stroked his lips across hers, tasting her, learning how she felt all over again.
Then it happened.
She leaned into him, a gentle sway and the tip of her tongue brushed against his, hesitant. Uncertain.
Long-buried desire burned to life inside him, and he fought the urge to take. To pull her against him and feel his body joined with hers. Her fingers curled against his chest, as though holding herself upright and holding on to him at the same time.
A low groan escaped him before he could rein it in. He felt her still and the distance creep back between them even though neither of them moved.
It was Sarah who stepped back first. She looked at his chest where her hand rested against the bold black letters that spelled ARMY.
Finally she looked up at him. “I can’t do this with you, Sean.” A tentative admission. He heard the fear underlying those words. Knew the reaction she expected from him.
“Why?” He was terrified he knew the answer already. Terrified that he knew exactly the words that were going to cross her lips next. She lifted her eyes to his, and he saw the sadness mixed with a storm of desire. He hated seeing the conflict within her, and it was somehow worse, knowing that he’d put it there.
She pressed her lips together as she blinked rapidly. Finally, she answered and it was the answer he’d been afraid of. “Because in my heart, I’m still married.” Her voice broke and with it, the spell that had bound them together, her words giving voice to the thing he’d feared most.
He let her go, knowing that the truth was going to be the thing that kept them apart. The man she’d loved had died.
And no matter what he did, Sean couldn’t compete with a dead man.