#cominghomeseries #homefront #grumpysunshine #enemiestolovers #bookstagram #bookstagrammer #angstyromance #authorsofinstagram #amreading #amwriting #booklovers #booksofinstagram #booknerd #romancereads #romancebooks #contemporaryromance #booktok #smutreaders #militaryromance #bookish #smutreaders #bookofthemonth #bookrecs #spicybooks#bookrecomendations #romancereadersofinstagram #readersofig #romancereader #smalltownromance #bookworm #booksta #booklover #coho #alphahero #oppositesattract #homefront #cominghomeseries #jessicascott #bookofthemonth #top10books #romancebooksofinstagram #whattoread #romancelandia #bookboyfriend #bookish #spicyromance #newadultbooks #bookblogger #mustread #smuttyromance #steamybooks #spicybookstagram #romancecovers #goodreadsromance #goodreads #tbr #netflixbooks #netflixromance #passionflix #booksofig #shelfie #ilovebooks #bookobsessed #bookreviews #bookgram #booksbooksbooks #indieromance #romancebookstagram #bookaddict #virginriver
BECAUSE OF YOU Chapter 14
Jen needed coffee. Her shift ended in exactly three minutes and she needed to escape. The floor. The patient in room twenty-six. And more importantly, the patient’s penis. She flushed as she ordered her coffee and tried to think of anything that didn’t involve Shane’s dick. Five hours had passed since the “incident” and still she flushed at the barest thought of it.
She looked up as the hospital’s main door swung open. Nicole smiled and leaned against the kiosk’s tiny counter while Jen dumped sugar and creamer into her coffee. Her smile was positively wicked and Jen groaned, bracing. She couldn’t know. Could she?
“I hear Shane had a small erection problem.”
Jen muffled a horrified laugh, releasing some of the tension that was wound up inside of her. “How did you hear about that?”
“Vic caught Shane thumping it earlier today.”
Jen closed her eyes as her face flamed hot again. She hadn’t found the courage to go back into his room for the rest of her shift, and the idea that Carponti had caught Shane thumping it hours later meant . . . she didn’t really want to think about what that might have meant. Maybe he was just an easily aroused kind of guy. “Can we not have this conversation here?” Jen asked as she tucked her hair behind her ear.
“Can’t think of a better place to have this conversation. Except maybe a locker room.” Nicole sighed and rubbed her forehead with her index finger, as though she was trying to relieve a headache, her words lighter than her mood. “Okay, so there’s a reason I’m here that has nothing to do with Shane’s penis.”
“Nikki, what’s wrong?” Any lingering worry or anxiety faded in the face of her friend’s very real struggle to get the words out.
Nicole cleared her throat after a long moment. “So, Vic has all these pills, right? He has like six different bottles of pain pills, two sleeping pills, and one or two for anxiety or something. All kinds of good stuff.”
She followed Nicole outside toward the stone benches and away from the crowded tables. Jen stirred her coffee in silence, her own problems seeming distant and trivial as her friend spoke. Nicole searched the ceiling for the rest of her words.
“I sometimes catch him lining up his bottles and mumbling to himself. I can’t keep track of everything he’s supposed to take because he won’t let his doc give me any kind of schedule.”
“And you need to know what he should be taking to keep him from messing up a dose?”
“Bingo.” Nicole’s eyes lit up like Jen just told her the meaning of life. “Can I bring you a list of everything so you can help me figure it out?”
“You don’t have any idea what he takes or when?”
Nicole shook her head. “No. He doesn’t really bring it up, so other than what’s on the bottles, I’m kind of in the dark.”
“Why won’t he tell you?”
“He doesn’t like to talk about it. Seriously, I mean. He’ll crack jokes all day long, but when I try asking about the meds, he just makes another joke and changes the subject.”
“So you have no idea what he takes on a daily basis.” Worry slid around Jen’s heart and squeezed.
“No.”
“Okay, you need to find out. I can’t tell you anything without knowing what he’s currently taking. So you’re going to have to make him tell you.”
Nicole pushed a hard breath through her pursed lips. “I was afraid of that.”
“You really think he’ll give you grief if you insist on knowing?” Never in a million years would Jen have thought that Nicole would have a hard time talking to her husband about anything.
“No. I think he’ll make a damn joke and dodge the question and I won’t be any closer to finding out. Hell, at this rate, I’m lucky I know when his physical therapy appointments are.”
“Everyone processes trauma differently. The fact that he’s making jokes is pretty normal for him, right?” Nicole nodded. “Maybe it’s his way of coping in the short term, and that’s okay. But he’ll have to deal with it eventually.”
Jen had heard almost the exact same words from Laura once. Her friend had practically stripped her bare and forced her to look in the mirror. Jen didn’t look at her scar often, but when she did, she still felt the same revulsion she’d experienced that first time. And the second time. And the third.
She hated it, but she’d decided early on that she didn’t want to have more surgery to fix it. It was part of who she was now and she couldn’t—wouldn’t—change that. Just because she’d made that decision, though, didn’t mean she was completely at peace with it.
“I’ll try to figure out what he’s taking, and when. Can I call you when I think I’ve got it?” Nicole asked.
If Shane knew about Nicole’s concerns, he’d worry, too. But maybe Carponti had talked to him about all of this. She’d have to figure out how to bring it up without alarming him unnecessarily.
“Thanks so much.” Nicole surprised her with a quick, energetic hug. “By the way, Vic asked me to suggest that you bathe Shane more often.”
“Will you stop?” Heat flushed down her neck, but Jen couldn’t help laughing. “Shane’s hygiene is not an issue.”
“I’m sure that’s exactly what my husband was referring to,” Nicole said dryly.
“Are you done?”
“Almost.” Nicole stood and offered a hand to pull Jen up. “Look, I’m going to completely butt in where you haven’t asked me to so here goes. I think Shane is one of the best men I know.” She breathed deeply. “Now I’m done. And I’m leaving before you throw something at me.”
Jen took a deep gulp of coffee after Nicole left. The possibility that Shane might feel something for her teased at the edge of her memory.
If it was something more, she knew that a man like Shane wouldn’t be content with what she was comfortable giving. He’d tear down all of her barriers. She wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. And she couldn’t stand the thought that if he did strip her bare, he might look at her differently when he saw the whole picture.
The idea of his pity curdled in her belly.
* * *
“You’re sure Osterman’s going to be in PT today?” Shane asked, eyeing the wheelchair that sat near the foot of his bed.
“Yes, I’m sure. Now get in the damn chair,” Carponti said.
“Give me a hand.”
“Nice.” Carponti narrowed his eyes and flipped Shane the middle finger. “Real mature.” He broke out laughing. “Took you long enough to start giving me shit. ’Bout damn time. Come on.”
Carponti moved to the side of the bed and slid his arm beneath Shane’s shoulders. It was damned difficult to get him from the bed to the chair without jarring his legs, but somehow they managed.
“Grab me a sheet, will you?” Shane asked. He looked down at the metal pins and frames that lined his flesh. His legs jutted straight out in front of him. He held his breath and turned his head, looking anywhere but at the freak show that were his legs.
For once, Carponti didn’t argue. Instead he snapped the sheet over Shane and let it drift down until it hid his legs.
“Let’s go find Osterman. Maybe you can knock some sense into him,” Carponti said as he pushed the automatic door button.
Shane struggled to maneuver the wheelchair out of the room and the automatic door swung closed before he’d made it three feet. He’d never questioned why every door in the hospital was automatic before, but right now, it irritated the hell out of him.
“Man you suck. How hard can it be to drive one of these things?” Carponti mumbled behind him.
“It’s not as easy as it looks, dickhead.”
“You’ve never sucked so bad at something. This is awesome.” Carponti palmed the automatic door button a second time and pushed Shane through. Faster than Shane was comfortable going, but he wasn’t about to argue. Carponti was liable to push him into a wall just for laughs. “I’ve got to take pictures and send them to the boys in Iraq. They’ll get a kick out of this.”
He was damn glad to be out of that bed. It was strange being outside of his hospital room after all these weeks, but the rest of the hospital wasn’t all that different. It had the same sterile smell. The same beige walls. The same faces hustling here and there with trays of pills, equipment, and overflowing file folders.
What struck him most about his first trip from his room was how he found himself scanning the faces of the nurses, searching for one person in particular. Despite the embarrassment of the whole catheter fiasco, he wanted nothing more than to see Jen. After the long hours she’d spent caring for him, it felt wrong to take this first trip out of his hospital bed without her.
He didn’t see her. He should have been relieved after what had happened between them the other morning, but instead he felt a longing. He missed her. And damn him, he wanted to know when he’d see her next. He couldn’t stand not knowing if she was embarrassed or irritated or what.
Despite Carponti rambling on behind him as they wound through the corridors, he kept replaying the scene over and over again in his head. The one where her hand was wrapped around his hard cock, him wishing like hell that it was for any reason other than a medical one.
“You’re going to have to do something about that little obsession you’ve got going on.” Carponti’s voice intruded on Shane’s self-flagellation.
“What obsession?”
“The one with my wife’s friend. Since when did you turn into such a pussy when it came to women? I mean, I know your wife took everything in the divorce, but did she take your balls, too?”
“Wow, that is really none of your damn business.”
“Sure it is. Your sex life—or lack thereof—is a key component of your mental health. Since you decided to psychoanalyze me, I’m returning the favor. And as your counselor, I’m recommending that you find a way to get her into bed. It’ll do you both a world of good.”
“Are you high?”
“Not nearly enough,” Carponti said with a grin. “But whatever is going on, you need to get on with it or I’m going to think you lost your balls, too.”
Any other time, Carponti’s smart-ass remarks might have been a welcome distraction from the weight of his thoughts. Today they were too heavy. And the closer they got to physical therapy, the heavier they got. He’d never been at a loss for words with his men, but the thought of seeing Osterman ran every thought from his brain. As they approached the physical therapy room, Shane was scrambling for something to say that wouldn’t make him sound like a douche bag.
Guess he’d start with hi and go from there.
“Holy shit, man, I’ve been in your platoon since I was a private and I’ve never seen you this indecisive,” Carponti said. “Except maybe that time outside Fallujah when I rescued those puppies.”
Shane laughed at the memory and some of the anxiety filling his lungs drained out. They’d been in a perimeter defense position for two days and it had been close to a hundred and twenty degrees in the shade. All Shane could smell was balls and friggin’ dirt. And then along came Carponti, crawling through the dust along the length of the barrier with three mottled puppies sticking out of his assault pack.
“You’re lucky you didn’t get rabies.”
“Or court-martialed. Remember how pissed LT Randall was over that? I still can’t believe he ordered them to be put down.”
Shane sobered at the memory. The whole platoon had been ready to mutiny over the order. General Order Number One, though, forbade pets or mascots. Then brand-new lieutenant Randall had insisted that the puppies either be shot or abandoned.
“I wonder if that Iraqi guy kept them as pets or ate them?”
Shane sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I’m gonna continue to believe he kept them as pets. I’m not going to let you ruin that little fantasy.”
“Speaking of fantasies . . . ”
Shane looked up and saw Jen walking toward them. The moment she saw him, her expression ran the gamut from embarrassed to flushed to surprised. She finally smiled softly and pushed the button for the door to PT, then kept it from closing by standing against it.
“How does it feel to be up and about?” she asked. He caught her looking at Carponti for a little too long, and he felt a tiny spike of jealousy in his blood. He wanted to get her alone. To ask her what, if anything, she’d felt that morning. He flushed. Of course she’d felt something. Shit, he was a mess.
He hadn’t seen her since his dick had run her off. He wanted to say something profound, wanted to apologize for his erection and the awkwardness that had followed. Instead, Carponti left him sitting by the check-in counter, completely alone and tongue-tied. The long row of chairs down the narrow hallway blocked the view of the rest of the physical therapy floor. He’d have to get past the gatekeepers before he could see if Osterman was there or not.
“It’s good. Different. But good.”
“And your pain?”
“Managed. Kind of a low burn and ache.” He fiddled with the paper he’d dropped onto his lap before he’d left the room. His workout regime. With weights so light he felt like crying.
“Good. We need to stay ahead of it, so don’t get overly ambitious, okay? Mike is going to be your therapist and he’s promised to take it easy on you today. He should be here in a few.”
He loved the way her throat moved when she swallowed. Damn, he was pathetic. He felt seventeen again, with no idea what to say to the girl who’d just touched his dick for the very first time. He cleared his throat. “Will do. We’re looking for one of my guys. Osterman?”
“I think I saw him a while ago. He may or may not still be here. But let me look.” She flipped through one of the folders.
“Is there any chance you could give me a copy of his schedule?” Shane asked.
“You’re his platoon sergeant, right?” Her eyes sparked. There was an opening, right there. But before he could push through it, Carponti piped up.
“Can you even be in charge if you’re in a wheelchair? I mean, isn’t there some rule about being able to stand in front of a formation? Hell, at least I can stand at attention, right?”
“Shut up, Carponti.” Jen shook her head and disappeared into an office, reappearing a moment later with a sheet of paper and held it out to Shane. He glanced down at the printout of Osterman’s appointments.
A slow burn started in his guts, and then it sparked into something that was at once odd and familiar and terrifying. Responsibility. By taking this single sheet of paper, he was resuming responsibility, no matter how bastardized, for one of his men.
But as soon as the feeling came, so did the realization of all that had changed. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t make sure Osterman made it to formation on time or take him for a run when he finally got a prosthetic leg. He couldn’t do anything but sit in PT with him. Who was he kidding? Carponti was right about him not being a leader anymore. And this little sheet of paper wasn’t going to give that back to him.
He stared down at it. It mocked him for everything he no longer was. He was lying to himself and everyone around him. He had nothing left to give. All he could do now was take.
* * *
It wasn’t her normal habit to leave the hospital on her breaks. Nor was it her habit to seek relationship advice from her friends. But she’d seen the pure terror on Shane’s face when she’d handed him Osterman’s schedule, and she’d had no idea what to say. The awkwardness from the catheter removal was still hanging between them and now this. She missed the easiness that had once been between them; hell, she’d even take the arguing. Anything was better than this thick silence she couldn’t seem to cut through.
She drove across post, hoping that Laura hadn’t moved out of her office. She knew Laura had given notice, but she was hoping that she wasn’t finished working quite yet. Her friend wasn’t answering her phone, and Jen had been desperate enough to drive the mile and a half to her office on the off chance that she was there.
Things were that much of a mess in her brain at the moment.
“Okay, who died?” Laura asked, when Jen burst into her office. She had a bulky box in her arms and was in the process of organizing folders.
“That’s certainly a cheerful attitude,” Jen said dryly. “Here, I got it.”
She lifted the box from Laura’s arms, immediately noticing her friend’s red-rimmed eyes. “What’s wrong?” she asked, as Laura dropped papers in on top of the folders, then set them down on the desk.
“With me? Nothing. What could possibly be wrong in my life right now?” She snatched the box back from Jen and left the office, Jen just steps behind her. “Except that my husband is sexually harassing his soldiers,” Laura continued. “He sends single-word replies to my emails and doesn’t respond at all when I send him pictures of our kids. What could possibly be wrong?” Reaching her minivan, she dumped the box inside, and then slammed the door shut. She sighed hard and rubbed her face in her hands. “And none of that is your fault.”
“Wait, go back to the sexual harassment,” Jen said.
Laura swiped her fingers through her hair. “The rear detachment commander was just talking with the brigade’s equal opportunity representative. He doesn’t know I heard. But yeah, supposedly, my husband—you know, the one whose been ignoring me—has been trying to screw the one female in the battalion.”
“While I recognize that things are really crazy in the war right now,” Jen said, wishing she had something to do with her hands, “and none of that gives Trent an excuse to ignore you like this, I’m going to go out on a limb and say never in a million years would Trent try to sleep with one of his soldiers.”
Laura blinked and looked away, biting her lips together. “I can’t not hear from him. I’m apparently not important enough to him for him to call. I can’t listen to these rumors and not think there’s something to them when I add in everything else that’s been going on. And while I understand that it makes me a stereotypical bitchy Army wife, I’m tired of being his second choice.”
Jen wrapped her arms around Laura’s shoulders and squeezed. “He might be at war, but that doesn’t mean he gets to do this to you.”
“If I knew what was going on with him . . . If he just bothered to explain everything, maybe I could sleep at night. I’ve got nothing left from him but faith that he still loves me, and honestly, I’m running out of that after five deployments.”
“Laura—” A deep disquiet slid through her belly.
“Yes, Jen. That means what you think it means.”
“Laura, wait a sec.”
“No, he’s been gone more than six months. This year. Last year, he was only home for three months. The year before that, five and a half. The year before that, six. Iraq. Afghanistan. It doesn’t matter where he is, because the one place he isn’t is home. He never did this when he was still enlisted and he damn sure never tried to sleep with one of his soldiers.” Laura’s eyes filled. “I love him, but I feel like the man I’m married to is a memory. I can’t do this anymore.”
Her tears came hard then and Jen pulled her friend close. Her own worries slipped by the wayside as her friend wept bitterly.
Abruptly, Laura pulled away. “And we are not doing this here anymore. I cleaned out my office. I’m done with being the family readiness group leader. . . . You know, he used to tell me he’d do anything to stay home with me for more than a few months at a time. Now? Now I know that was all just another lie. I’m done with the stupid Army.”
“Why now, Laura? Why not just wait till he gets home to work through this?” Jen didn’t know what it was like to be with a man who chose the Army over her. She had never sat and waited for the phone to ring, hoping that just a few words would tide her over until the next brief phone call. Divorce happened. Everyone knew soldiers had higher divorce rates than civilians. But divorce while Trent was deployed?
“He’d rather soldier around than be with me and the kids. Amy Kingston—who is on the short list to be my replacement by the way—just asked me how I was able to stand it that my husband volunteers all the time. He asked to go on every single one of these missions. He could have moved to a different job or a different brigade or a different post. Instead, he’s been asking to deploy to combat.”
Laura’s words sent a cold chill down Jen’s arms. “Trent’s been volunteering? The whole time? You’re sure?”
Laura’s laugh was bitter. “Unlike her husband, who is a complete asshole, Amy Kingston is the most sweet-natured girl on the planet. I actually have no idea how she’s going to survive as the FRG liaison, but that’s not my problem. None of this is. Trent volunteered. I quit.”
“Laura, at least sleep on this decision about Trent.” Jen struggled to keep her voice calm, as if she were speaking to a skittish colt.
Laura shrugged and looked away. It was a long time before her voice broke the awkward silence. “I know there’s no forgiveness for leaving a man while he’s off to war, but he’s been cheating on me with the Army, and maybe with one of his soldiers. I’m just stepping aside.”
“As much as I hate him for doing this to you, I feel like I should be talking you out of this right now.”
“It’s already done.” Laura offered a watery smile. “You didn’t come here to hear about my drama. What’s wrong?”
Jen shook her head. The fiasco with the catheter seemed so unimportant at the moment. What kind of friend would she be to lay her trivial problems on Laura’s shoulders right now? “Nothing important. Want to go get coffee?”
“Can we spike it with Irish cream? It’s been one of those days.”
“Let me call my boss and yes, we can spike it with Irish cream. But I’m driving.” Jen laughed and guided Laura gently toward her car. At least for the moment, she could distract her friend.
Shane and his erection would have to wait.
ONE CLICK BECAUSE OF YOU
Apple Books | Amazon | Kobo | Barnes & Noble | Google Play | Barnes & Noble Print | Amazon Print| Books-a-Million | Indiebound