Beth
I don’t generally hate my job at the Baywater Inn. My boss isn’t a prick, at least not an obvious one. I sometimes catch him checking out my ass, and he likes us to look a certain way on the job, but I suppose that comes with the territory. I guess the wealthy clientele don’t like slobs serving them food, so he wants us to be neat and clean and if you happen to be a little perky, well then, added bonus. Usually.
I’ve heard the monthly club dues are something like ten grand. That’s less than my dad’s last emergency room visit but more than I make in a year. I guess if you have a lot of money, that amount isn’t staggering.
My friend Abby is off tonight. I hope she’s not sick. It’s not like her to miss work and when she’s around, work is so much more fun. She’s the kind of friend whose sarcasm makes the entire day brighter. I want to text her to see if she’s okay, but I’m almost over my texting limit for the month. I’ll have to wait to e-mail her.
I set the dessert in the center of the table for the ladies who clearly spend their days enjoying the finer things in life. Their hands are perfectly manicured, their skin flawless. I wanted to hate these people when I first started here, but aside from a random douchebag, most of the clients are polite in a non-dickhead kind of way. Hopefully, they’92ll tip well today.
“Is there anything else I can get you?”
The older blonde, who doesn’t look a day over thirty, shakes her head, and I leave them to tend my next table. Becky, the hostess, has seated a group of four guys at a corner table.
I start on my routine for serving a new table. I lay out the tiny drink napkins and start on the pleasantries.
“I’m Beth and I’ll be taking care of you this afternoon. Can I get you started with anything from the bar?”
I scan each of the faces of the men until I get to him.
To Noah. My breath locks in my throat as our eyes collide. There’s a quirk at the edge of his mouth. A cocky arrogance that was missing earlier when we were doing stats. I feel it rather than see it. My stomach tightens as the moment extends beyond recognition and into something uncomfortable and tense.
Will he point out that I’m tutoring him or will he pretend he doesn’t know me?
“Hey,” he says.
He’s going to acknowledge me. Color me surprised. I’ve tutored before. Some of the guys on the basketball team and a softball player last spring. And I’ve encountered some of them here.
I can’t explain my reaction to him. I can’t control the warmth that prickles across my skin at his quiet acknowledgment.
“Nice to see you again, Noah,” I manage. My voice loses its smooth edge, and I feel awkward and tense.
“Beth is tutoring me in Stats,” he tells the other men. “So I don’t embarrass myself and all that.”
The big guy with his back to the wide bay window grins. “You were the TA in Stats last semester, weren’t you?”
I remember him now with the context. Josh Douglas. He was a big guy who transferred in from another school and opted to take Stats a second time when he didn’t have to. “Yes, that was me.”
This is strange, this collision of two worlds. Usually there’s a tacit nod or a quiet greeting, but this feels like I’ve been sucked into their orbit. It’s not a comforting feeling because the worlds blur and along with them, the rules. I don ‘t want to stand here talking about stats and class when I have drinks to serve and other customers to wait on.
“Gents, what’ll it be? I think we need to let Beth here get back to work.” This from the thin man to my left. There is a softness to his face that contrasts sharply with the hard lines of his body.
Noah is watching me when I take their drink orders to the bar. He’s sat with his back to the wall again, giving him a clear view of the hallway that leads back to the kitchen. He is the first thing I see when I come around the corner, and I notice him now, every time.
Because he is still watching for me. That is the only way to explain how his eyes happen to catch mine each time I step out of the dimly lit hallway and into his field of vision. There is a darkness there, an intensity that is both off-putting and enticing.
But there is something else there. Something that tempts me to take a single step into the darkness and let it envelop me.
It is a temptation I can ‘t afford. A single mistake would ruin everything I have worked my ass off to achieve.
But it is a fantasy that I can indulge in if I let myself. A little fantasy never hurt anyone.
I carry the drinks to their table, pretending this is like every other table. It is a normal job. There is no need for the tension in my belly, the heat crawling across my skin. I stand between Noah and Josh now, intensely aware of Noah in a way I haven’t been aware of a guy in a long time.
I go through the motions but mentally, I retreat.
There is no room in my life for this kind of fantasy stupidity.
Regardless of the warmth that unfurls in my belly and penetrates my veins.
Noah Warren is off limits.
Noah
There’s something about seeing her in the crisp white shirt and black skirt that twists up my insides and reminds me that I’m not dead and not a eunuch.
I hadn’t expected to see her at the country club. ‘Course I hadn ‘t really known what I’d see at a country club. Hell, I am so far out of my league in this place, it isn ‘t even funny. There are thousand-dollar sports coats tossed over chairs like they’92re ten dollar throwaways from Old Navy.
Beth moves like she fits completely in the scene. She wears comfort in her smile and competence in everything she does.
But there is something starkly feminine about her now. Something different from the cool, sexy confidence when she’92d been instructing me in stats. There she’d been all business, focused on the numbers, the equations, and the work. She’d been in her flow taking me through the arguments and she’92d made them sound less foreign.
I felt better about my chances of actually passing this class. And I really can ‘t fail. It is such a freak accident that I’m even here. I will not let LT down. Failing is absolutely not an option.
Beth leans across the table to place our drinks down. She looks down at me. “Only water?”
“I’m driving,” I say. The truth. My hands aren’t shaking anymore from leaving the parking garage. I’m still not used to how things rise up and take over when I’m least expecting them.
My shoulder aches and I rotate it to relieve the stiffness. The pain there is a dull echo now. As long as I stay ahead of it, I’m fine.
“Okay then.” She takes our orders and disappears into that dark hallway where I assume the kitchen is.
“So what’s the deal with her?” Josh asks.
“She’s tutoring me,” I say again. Also the truth. It is so easy these days. There are fewer lies to keep track of. I can almost believe I’92ve got my shit together.
Kind of a relief, honestly.
“Yeah? Anything else come with that service?”
I turn a hard look on Caleb. I’ve just met him, but decided inside of five minutes that he and I were never going to be friends. Caleb has this sense of superiority about him that used to drive me nuts about our company executive officer. The XO had to make sure everyone knew he was the smartest guy in the room and Caleb is just like that.
Guys like Caleb got people killed because they didn’t listen.
“Don’t be a dick.”
This from Josh before I have a chance to say a word. Josh knew LT and helped get me oriented, at least to the business school.
“What? She’s smoking hot. I’d tap that.”
I reach for my water, briefly considering whether or not to smash the glass into Caleb’s face. “We’re not discussing tapping anything. We’re not in Iraq anymore,” I say. There’s a time and a place for locker room talk, and unless I’ve misread the entire situation – the middle of a place like this, that drips wealth and privilege – wasn’t that place.
I could be wrong, though. Judging by Josh’s reaction, I don ‘t think I am.
“So you get settled in?” Josh asks.
“Yeah. New place is nice. Perfect, actually.”
“You’re not living in town?” This from Nathan, who hasn ‘t said two words since we sat down. Josh told me he was quiet. I hadn’t realized how literal he’d been.
“Nah. I’m about twenty minutes from campus.”
“Not taking the bus?” Nathan is still nursing his beer. Caleb has already finished his first and is now twisting in his chair, looking for Beth.
Something violent rocks through me. The idea of him thinking about her like she’s some kind of fuck toy makes me physically ill.
“Hell no,” I say. “I’m sure it’s perfectly fine and safe, but I’ll pass on mass transport, thanks.”
“Don’t blame you,” Josh says. “Sometimes, it kills me what some of these kids think of as a prank. Some freshman threw a soda bottle full of vinegar and baking soda on one of the buses last semester. Damn near gave me a fucking heart attack.”
“Nice,” I say. I’m watching for Beth. I can’t help it. There’s something about seeing her here that makes her seem vulnerable. In class, she was all boarded up and stiff. Professional and sexy and completely off limits.
Here, she’s different. Softer. More approachable. I wonder if it makes her uncomfortable knowing she can’t hide behind her stern presence from class.
I want to know. I want to know why she’s working here. Business school isn’t generally a place where you find people who have to work their way through college.
But here she is. Delivering our food and smiling and making small talk.
My tongue is stuck. I can’t think of anything blindingly brilliant to say. Instead, I watch Josh and Nathan and Caleb talk, losing myself in the warmth of her hip near my shoulder.
It’s been a long time since I felt this awareness of another person. Not this kind of intense desire to know more, at any rate.
A soft touch on my shoulder. I look up to find her staring down at me. “Do you need anything else?”
Her voice is quiet, but it penetrates the fog in my brain. I shake my head. And isn’t that fucking eloquent?
She walks off, and I try not to stare at the sway of her hips or the small span of her waist. She’s not tiny like most of the underclassmen, but she’s not an Amazon, either.
She’s somewhere in between. Somewhere close to perfection.
And I’m a goddamned chump because she’s made it abundantly clear that there will be no shenanigans.
Which is a shame.
Because for the first time since I’ve come home from the war, I feel a semblance of life in my veins. So much nicer than the haze I’ve been walking around in.
Pretending to live while waiting patiently to die.
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