Jessica Scott

Something has happened to me and I’m not sure what. It might be that the rejection list is growing. It might be that I wrote a LOT in Iraq and was hoping to have something to show for it, other than rejections (and when I say that, I’m strictly referring to the fiction side of the house. The nonfiction seems to coming along nicely, if accidently:).

I finally finished my revisions on my first paranormal Resurrection and fired it off to my beloved critique partner, Julie, who is squeezing in time to hack it via hard copy.

I wanted to start on the next book. I still need to finish Monster, which is about 10 – 15K from the end. And once more, I find myself, well, stuck. I love the idea behind Monster. I think it might be the first book that I’ve written that doesn’t require a complete do over to get a workable plot. And yet, this is probably the hardest book I’ve ever written. It comes in fits and starts. I jam on it for a few days, then take a month off but the story remains, nagging at the edge of my brain.

So I’m getting there. But then what? I’ve got other books to revise but I’m seriously considering moving beyond everything I wrote in Iraq and starting something new.

But nothing’s coming. I keep getting these great ideas but they’re all just kind of bouncing around with no spark demanding they hit the page. I’m sure I could write them, if I, oh I don’t know, had a contract or something. Or maybe an agent. Yeah, someone to say, this will work, write this.

Cause I’ve written and I’ve written and I’ve written but I don’t have a direction right now. I’m lacking purpose because you see, I’d had a purpose. Then I received a Facebook note that summed up a LOT for me: I’ve no interest to read about war, romance or otherwise.

What if there aren’t a lot of books out there like mine because, well, no one wants to read them? That’s sobering, huh? Kind of takes the wind out of your sales.

But I’m okay with that even. I’m digging into my religion degree and writing my paranormal and I LOVE being able to justify reading Jewish legends and lore as research for a book. But the new book won’t start off. Actually, it started, but fear, that rat bastard is stopping me.

See, I have a problem with plotting. I don’t do it. Funny, when I rewrite a book, it comes together into a decent plot (at least that’s what I keep telling myself), but that first draft? Total shit. In that I don’t even bother sending them out to my critique partner because, well, she’s too busy to waste time reading my first draft shit.

But as I stand on the blank pages of the Dreaded New Novel, I’m afraid. I want to reach a point where I don’t have to write the whole book over. And what if I write this book, then rewrite it and then it still doesn’t sell? On the other hand, maybe that’s just my process. Maybe I need to rewrite the whole book so I can find what the story is really about and I need to take a 100,000 word detour to figure it out. Sure makes writing a synopsis sound a little better, huh?

So I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I’m researching book 2. I’m pretty sure I’ve got my main plot points (in that I know the last sentence, if that counts). And I know what happened between the characters before the book started (at least there’s a rough idea of it fleshed out in my scrivener window). So I’m not sure where this is going but I do know that I need to figure out a way to deal with the Fear of the Blank Page.

I’ll muddle through, I always do. But fearing the blank page? Yeah, not used to that.

And since I’m sharing, here’s the last sentence of this book:

Across the ocean, in a dark house at the edge of a farm, a little boy sneezed.
And Death smiled.

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I have a cycle of writing. Not a process like other authors talk about. Mine’s a cycle. I go through bursts of being able to knock out three, four even five thousand words in a very short amount of time during a day. It feels great to look back over my word count log and see the progress I make. Then there are other days when I’m absolutely stuck and can’t get to the next sentence let alone move the story forward. For me, these days are beyond frustrating because I know I’m capable of so much more. It’s irritating because as much as I have to write 2000 words per day to accomplish my daily target, on these days, I’m lucky to scratch out a thousand. These days usually only last a day or so. But lately, I’ve been stuck. I’m sure it’s not a lack of motivation, as I’m pretty damned excited that my agent has got me on the submissions schedule for this month. If anything should be motivating at this point, that should be (course, you’re talking about the girl who still gets goosebumps when she thinks she even HAS an agent but that’s another story). So what gives? I think, more than anything, I’m tired. At the end of the night, I’ve been going for 12-15 hours. I’m simply tired. I have to make time for physical activity, as my weight is a nearly constant challenge. I find myself frustrated that I can barely knock out 2000 words when in days past I was able to write so much more. This is a reality that I will simply have to accept: I have a real job and real responsibilities, I can’t sit and write 50 pages in a day until after I retire. So fatigue is part of it. Another part of it is that I’m just in that slump that I have in every project. Right about the 50,000 word mark, I usually hit a what the heck happens next slump that I struggle through. In this case, this slump happened to coincide with regular fatigue, exacerbating the problem. Inevitably, I’ll pull out of it. I’ll get a burst of energy or a spark of renewed vigor and my work pace will take off again. So I won’t panic about the writer’s block until I go weeks and weeks without writing. Then it will be time for a major reassessment. For now, I think it’s time for a nap.

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So I was going for the gold with Saving Trent. I was on a roll. On the flight back to Texas, I wrote 5000 words and was on track to keep right on going until the end.

And now? Nothing. Okay, not really nothing. I’ve written about 800 words this week, when I should be doing 1000 per day. I think I”m going to have to publicly declare that I will write 1000 words per day in order to get my butt back in front of the computer.

I think part of my problem is the new environment: it’s austere and boring and there are no outside distractions. I have nothing to force me to sit and write.

So I think I’ve come up with a solution, however, that involves more than just 1000 words per day. I edited my playlists and I’ve got new music to listen to that’s getting my brain moving again. But the biggest thing is that I owe it to my characters to finish this book. I just can’t leave them hanging in the void left on the blank pages.

My goal is therefore declared: FINISH SAVING TRENT. I will write 1000 words per day, every day, until it is finished. I will not allow my characters to end where they sit right now (one is home with three very upset children and one is getting a much needed girls day out).

Besides that, I’m afraid that if I don’t start writing again, it will just slip to the side and I’ll be one of those writers who gave up. What am I talking about? I don’t quit.

So there. Off my butt, time to stop blogging and get on with it.

And that’s what’s going on in my world today!

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