Jessica Scott

So things have been a little insane around my house lately. My kids are starting to settle in with being home and more importantly, being comfortable being home. Part of that comfort is trusting us to be there when they wake up in the morning.

When my hubby and I left, both for R&R and for the original deployment, we delayed talking about leaving until it was time to go. It was important to us because we wanted to enjoy our time together. But inevitably, it came time to tell the kids we were going to be gone. We never said we have to go to work. We said we had to go away for a while and we told them we were not going to be there in the morning. It sucked every night while my kids cried, telling me they did not want me to go.

They still don’t understand that work is every day and that we’ll be home in the evening. Every time there is a break in our new routine, they get upset. And I’m talking sitting on my lap with red faces, tears streaking down their faces, crying ‘Mommy, I don’t want you to go.’
It’s not easy to turn it off and deal with it rationally. It’s hard, because I know they’re hurting. I know there is an ache inside them that they don’t have the words to explain and I know that I am responsible for the insecurity in their lives.

It’s hard to find the words to comfort them because they don’t understand but I have to keep trying. I have to find a way to tell them that mommy isn’t leaving again, any time soon and convince them that it is true. I’ve wrecked their trust, even though it was unintentional and it’s going to take time to rebuild that.

It’s hard and it hurts but it is getting better. Things are starting to slip into routine. My oldest is starting to enjoy school again. My youngest is still not a fan of the daycare but she’s no longer screaming mommy don’t leave me when I drop her off.

They’re doing okay and with a lot of prayer and plenty of vitamin b, I’m doing okay, too. But that, my friends, is another post.

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As we’re getting ready to go, the normalcy of everything is striking. To include the urge to publicly pull a Kate and spank my kid. Surely not, you must think. What kind of parent is leaving for another five months to a combat zone loses her patience within the last twenty four hours of getting ready to go?

Me.

Initially, the girls were being fine. Just laughing and having a good time. But then the touching and the grabbing and the I wants kept going and going and going. They were like two little energizer bunnies and it stopped being funny after we sat in Dick’s Sporting Goods waiting for Daddy to pick out some fishing equipment (this takes longer than me in Saks on any day of the week, trust me on this one).

When they refused to stand still any longer, I was that crazy mom carrying one kid out of Sears under my arm and pulling the other one behind him.

They say kids acting out prior to parents deploying is normal. I’ve heard from other spouses that in the days before a deployment, the sniping and the bickering get to the point where both are relieved when the plane finally lifts off. The kids have both done something similar today and while at the moment, I would have been glad to get on a plane, that feeling only lasted about a second before the guilt started.

I told my husband that I felt bad for losing my patience with the kids. He said he understood but that it was more important for him to have fun before he left than to make them behave. Maybe he’s on to something. Maybe he’s not. But either way it goes, one of my precious fifteen days was spent arguing with my kids. I can’t get this day back but tonight at bedtime, I talked to my girls and asked that we try to make tomorrow as good as possible before we left.

So we’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck.

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No, not THAT s-word. Stress. Too many folks over here are already starting to show signs of breaking down. It’s day 5. One thing I’ve learned from my husband’s two previous tours over here is that a year in Iraq is a marathon, not a sprint. If you don’t get enough rest, if you don’t eat right, the stress is going to get you way before anything else.

Stress over here comes in many forms. Missing your family is stressful. People may not acknowledge that it is, but a lack of little kids’ feet slapping on bare floors is stressful. Life with kids has a certain sound. Life in the tents over here has a different sound, one of air conditioners and national anthems. People are used to hearing certain sounds when they sleep, so listening to shouts and a/c units causes stress.

The biggest thing I can recommend is for you to find a way to deal with the stress. An outlet that lets you channel the energy the stress is taking out of you and put it toward something that makes the unit better.

So that’s all for now. 

Later!

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