Jessica Scott

Things have been a little too serious here on the blog for the last couple of posts. I’ve been literally obsessing about the questions that PBS has raised in my brain and am starting to annoy myself.

All work and no play make Jess way too serious a girl.

So on that note, I’m going to share some of the oddball things that I’ve done or heard or experienced that cracked me up over the years. It’s the off crap that you really can’t see anyone doing, let alone find funny, unless you’ve been in the Army and been around a bunch of bored 18 year olds trying to keep themselves amused.

If you’ve never read the Skippy List, it’s a good primer. I first saw it in the late 90s in Germany and more recently, in BOLC II, met a guy who said he wrote it, which of course made it all the funnier.

But I digress.

So y’all know there’s a no porn rule in the Army right? Well, there wasn’t always such a clear cut message and whenever we went to the field the guys had their TMs (titty mags). (Seriously, try not to be offended. I could care less what these guys were whacking it to so long as it wasn’t me). Anyway, back in the 90s we had signal shelters called SENs (small extention nodes). It was a phone company on wheels and I was part of quite possibly the funniest SEN team in Germany. So my old team chief, who is probably reading this and who shall not be named, was really excited about going onto main base and getting the new Playboy. I mean, little kid at Christmas excited.
It was embarrassing. And I loved nothing more than screwing with this guy. Man we used to laugh. I’m pretty sure I drove him nuts.

But he was really excited. So I caught the bus from Vilseck Airfield onto main base and bought a Playgirl, which is kind of shocking if you’ve never seen one. Anyway, it’s three am and I’m on shift, taping the cover of his Playboy to the Playgirl. I’ve got the edges lined up perfectly and I’m snorting I’m laughing so hard. I wasn’t going to be there to see his face, but man, I could picture it.

Apparently, when he did open the mag, his scream could be heard across the base. I mean, I spent hours making those covers line up. It was the ultimate coup. I can’t remember what he did to get back at me but for some reason pushups and lots of them come to mind.

Its stories like these that stick with you over the years and its something intangible that people who haven’t been here just don’t understand. There are probably people reading right now going huh? That’s not funny, its offensive. Soldiers have porn?

But it is funny. It was then and the memory is even better now. Its what people do to each other when you’re around them non stop for days, weeks or even months on end.

Finding the flux capacitor in Iraq is one of those memories, but that’s for another time. There is a certain rawness about being in the Army that I enjoy. I can relax and laugh with the gang and it’s fun. It’s about the only time I really feel like myself.

I guess my overall point is that if I spend all my time thinking about the serious stuff, I’ll miss the funny stuff that makes the Army so great.

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I’ve been researching. Ever since PBS offered me the opportunity to be part of the POV blog Regarding War, I’ve been researching. Women’s roles in the military. Statistics. Facts and media reports.

What I find is astonishingly upsetting. There’s allegedly an 8% prosecution rate of rapes in the military compared to a 40% rate in civilian cases. 1 in 3 military women are alledgely victims of sexual abuse or harassment but are too embarrassed/ashamed/afraid to speak up. There was an increase in 2008 of 165 rapes reported in Iraq compared to 131 in 2007.

So as I research, I wonder.

What if I’m wrong? What if the military that I serve in really is misogynistic and anti woman and hiding a multitude of sins that I don’t see because of my rank or simply because it hasn’t happened to me? What if commanders are incompetent and leaders are failures all around me and women really are victims in an organization they wanted to serve in and be thought of as equals?

I don’t believe this but the research I’m finding disagrees with my experience. I can’t speak to anyone else’s experience and I know that rapes and assaults occur in the military and I also know that there is significant doubt facing women who come forward, especially if alcohol is involved. But is it ‘rampant’ as one congresswoman says? Is it prevalent so much that nearly every woman interviewed for books on Iraq and Afghanistan say they’ve been harassed, assaulted and marginalized as a result.

I find the media reports stunning and shocking and all the more so because it does not reflect what I’ve seen. And I’ve been in a diverse set of units. I’ve been in a Patrior Battalion. I’ve served at a Division headquarters and a test directorate. I’ve served in signal battalions and in a brigade combat team. Short of being assigned to a combat arms battalion, I’ve run the gauntlet of assignments and I just don’t see it. I’ve served as an equal opportunity representative, where I saw first hand the kind of complaints that come through the EO channels, complaining of bias based on rage, gender, or religion.

And still, I don’t see the military that is reflected in the media. But still, the seed of doubt has been planted. So as I go through this journey of writing for PBS, I’m growing and learning, not only as a woman but as a soldier as well. I can at least see the difference between what the media reports and what happens on the ground but I’m seeing things in a different light.

I have to say, I did not expect blogging for PBS to change my point of view. To an extent it hasn’t but at the same time, it has. Because I wonder now.

What if I’m wrong?

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I can’t say this week has been easy. It hasn’t. But I’m starting to wonder just what y’all think is going on here. Monday night, I was in tears. I laid awake, bawling because of the strain of my husband moving to Ft Bragg without us and a myriad of other worries and stresses that decided Monday night was the night to let it all out.

The night kicked off with my oldest coming back from a sleepover. She was over tired and hungry, cause you know that child won’t eat. She wailed and cried for three hours STRAIGHT. We finally got her to sleep and then the little one wouldn’t settle down. For children used to going to bed at 730, 10pm was insanely late.

But the crying, over tired kids was only the start. It really hit me that my husband is moving to Bragg. No biggie, right? Yeah, except that he’s at Bragg and the girls and I won’t get there until January of 2011 because I’m going to my advance course. We’ll make it work, we always do, but pressing on my chest that night was the dread that my daughters could be without their daddy for 3 YEARS. Because what if we get to Bragg and then he deploys. Really? This is the choice we have to make?

I’m not blaming the army here. I accept that ‘needs of the army’ trumps needs of a family any day of the week (notice I said accept, doesn’t mean I like it). But when the people on high look down at the micro level, at the individual soldier and say, well, sometimes you’ve got to take one for the team, I feel like saying…well, it’s not fit for the public but use your imagination.

The reality of it is that my husband has not officially moved from Ft Hood since 2003. Nevermind that he’s done 3 COMBAT TOURS in Iraq in that time period, plus his advanced schooling so he’s been physically at Ft Hood less than 24 months out of that entire time period. I, on the other hand, have moved because of my officer training.

The army says, you have dwell time. Well, what good does dwell time do when you move someone 90 days after they return from Iraq and you don’t consider that he is part of a family with children. 3 schools in the first year of kindergarten? So no, I have to stay in Hood until summer time.

I’m not telling you this to demand you write to the powers that be or anything like that. This is our situation and we’ll deal with it, just like we always have. I’m sharing this because sometimes, the magnitude of the impact on my kids gets to me. I keep telling myself that they’ll be allright. They’re with me, we’ll get by. But they love their daddy. And you know what? I love their daddy and damn it, I don’t want to spend 2 years without him.

So it hurts to be faced with these choices. It hurts a lot but these are the consequences of our continuing to serve. And sometimes, the consequences and the weight of it all keeps me up at night, letting it all out, so I have space to put it back inside and get through the next day.

So that’s it. A night in the life of a worried soldier, mom and wife who’s no longer in combat, but sometimes, just as worried.

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So, I’ve discovered a handy little thing to help me keep in touch with the kids. Oovoo. It’s video teleconferencing via the web and it’s FREE. You can download it here. The big plus was that it only takes two steps for my computer illiterate (I mean that in the nicest way, Mom) mom to dial us, plus she already figured out how to leave us video messages. Pretty cool. Still working some bandwidth issues, but hey, anything that let’s me see my kids while I’m deployed is worth it.

That said, I’ve been slacking off on my to do list. I’ve got a ton of stuff to accomplish before long and yeah, I’m waiting until the last minute to do it. Like finish medical readiness. Wills. You know, the important things. Got to get cracking.

Oh and in the keep myself busy department: I accomplished 5000 words today in my latest WIP Saving Trent. Not bad in the way of occupied so I don’t sit around and miss the kiddies. I’m hoping to have this book done before the new year.

That’s all for now!
Jess

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It’s not often that extreme amounts of manual labor result in a good day, but today was it. My kids got to spend it with their entire family on my husband’s side as we did some remodeling at my in law’s house. It was great and one my oldest will remember for a long time as her uncle let her help drive the Bobcat. I have pictures. It was great. But the best part was that my kids got to spend time with their mommom and poppop, something they don’t get nearly enough time doing. Now mind you, mommom hooked them up with marshmallows so she’s forever in their good graces, but it was a really great day for memories. And after all, isn’t that what today is for? Making memories…

So here’s the thing. Take a minute out of your day and hug your kids. Even when you want to smother them, give em a quick squeeze. Make that the memory they remember, instead of fighting over eating pizza. Cause you might not get the chance tomorrow to make a better one.

That’s all for now!

Jess

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So my family and I are somewhere outside Knoxville, getting ready to cut across North Carolina on the way to MomMom and PopPop’s house up in Delaware on the first stop in the drop the kids and pets off for the year. 

I have to say, this has been the most relaxing trip we’ve taken so far. The kids have been angels and even the psycho cat hasn’t been that annoying and I cannot honestly recall when I’ve been this patient. It sucks that I can’t be like this all the time… Anyway, I’m keeping my mind busy and trying not to think about next Friday (The Departure) when the year away from the kids and pets and home officially begins. I’m trying to figure out how to post the donut of despair up on my website, so you all can count down with me. Otherwise, just ready to get started so I can get it over with already.

That’s all for now!

Jess

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For those of you who don’t know, I’m a member of the Austin Romance Writers of America. They’ve been amazingly supportive over the ups and downs of going through the pain of seeking publication and last night was no exception.

They threw me a going away party, complete with an Inject the Venom cake and a song. I’m going to say I’ve never heard a more beautiful rendition of God Bless America than the one Lexi Connor sang last night. It moved me to tears. The cards and notes are going with me, so when the bad days come next year, I’ll have some cheerful thoughts to remind me. The cake was donated by Cake Please and was amazing!

Folks, if you ever have a chance to swing by a meeting at the RWA in Austin. You’ll leave a better person for knowing them.

And before I forget, HUGE congratulations to Skylar White on her publication offer. It was a great way to end the evening. Celebrate, girl!

Okay that’s all. Stop by www.jessdawson.com for photos from last night. I’ll have them up soon!

Take care
Jess

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So, I’m a sucky parent but I gave in. Something about fighting a never ending battle for the last two weeks I”m going to spend with my child for over a year made me reconsider just how much I wanted her to eat green beans. I decided not that much. So, we’ve taken a new track. I cook. If she eats, great. If not, oh well. I’m just not cooking anything else. So we’re at an impasse, so to speak. But as the clock winds down to the day I say goodbye to my babies, I’ll look on this as a good decision. Who wants to spend the small amount of time fighting? I’d rather bake pies and have a good time at the zoo.

Later
Jess

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So I’m a few weeks out from deploying to Iraq. Guess how I choose to spend my last few weeks with my kids: fighting about food. We’re on day four of my oldest’s hunger strike. She has to eat at least one bite of the food we put in front of her or she doesn’t eat.

She’s opted not to eat. The thing is, she’s soo stubborn. I honestly think I might lose this battle, but I’m afraid if I cave in now that I’ve started, it will be over for the rest of her life.

Anyone got any tips? I’d love to break this stalemate and get back to enjoying our time together. My biggest worry is that I’ll die in Iraq and my daughter will remember me as the evil mommy who tried to make her eat pizza (yes, the child won’t even eat pizza!)

Suggestions welcome!

Later
Jess

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