Ok so as promised, with very little editing, here’s a deleted scene from Because of You, wherein Jen sits on Shane’s face.
Remember, there are plot threads in here that were not in the final book so…enjoy!
Despair was like a drug. Just a little taste of it and it could be the hardest thing in the world to throw off. Try though he might to push through it, all through dinner, he kept thinking of Osterman’s face.
Shane dragged his hand over his face and sighed. Jen turned from where she was scraping her plate into the trash. She didn’t need to ask the question.
“Just a long day,” he said quietly.
Her smile was all the answer he needed. She was being cautious with him and he didn’t blame her. Twice now, they’d had to deal with self inflicted harm. It was like a disease, running through the ranks of the wounded, thinning their numbers.
He dragged his thoughts away from the edge once more. Carponti had been an accident. Osterman’s tragedy had been averted. His guys were okay.
So why did he feel so down?
He glanced at his watch. Payday. God willing, his direct deposit had been fixed. “Mind if I use your computer?” he asked.
He logged on to USAA and waited for Jen’s dial up to load the page. He gripped the hand rests of his chair, braced to see negative numbers once more. He’d long ago cut of the overdraft protection on the account he’d shared with Tatiana but for some reason, she’d still been able to withdraw another five thousand dollars.
He sighed. And waited.
Maybe this time, he’d get lucky.
He blinked as the new checking account loaded. Then blinked again. Relief crawled over his skin. Finally, he had an account that wasn’t in the red. He dragged his hand over his face and sat for a moment, his hand covering his mouth and tried to breath.
He glanced toward the kitchen, hope pushing out the despair in his chest. He was getting there. Baby steps, but he was slowly clawing his way back to a place where he could have a life with her.
He wouldn’t go into this empty handed. Financially, at least, he was getting back on his feet. Few more days and he’d have the first surgery to free up one of his legs.
He sat, though, unable to move at the unfairness of it all.
Jen’s life was possibly derailing even as his got back on track. More tests. More blood work. She hadn’t spoken of it but he knew the follow up appointment was fast racing toward her. Toward them because he damn sure wasn’t going to sit by and let her go through this alone.
He closed out the website and just sat there, watching her move. He wanted her so badly he ached. She glanced toward him and smiled.
She paused by the open door of the fridge, one arm around a bowl of salad. “Everything okay?”
He nodded, unable to speak. She frowned and closed the fridge, setting the bowl on the counter with a tink. “Shane?”
He reached for her, tugging her onto his lap. There was just enough room between the edge of his pins for her to fit. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his cheek against her chest. Above the soft mound of her breast.
“You’re going to be okay.”
Her arms slid around his shoulders and she rested her cheek against the top of his head. “There’s no guarantee.”
“No, it is. God listens to NCOs.” His voice broke. “I can’t believe He’d would be so cruel as to put you in my life, only to take you away so soon.”
“I’ll get on board with some positive thinking.”
He tipped his face up and looked at her. “Finance finally fixed my pay.”
“That’s good, right?”
“Yeah. There’s a stack of bills. Can you mail them for me? I’ve never written out fifteen thousand dollars in checks before, but hey, there’s always a first time.”
“fifteen thousand dollars?” She looked a little pale at the number.
“Yeah. Plus overdraft and whatever else I don’t know about.” He reached up and cupped her cheek. “Jen, that part of my life is over. I’m paying everything off because I don’t want anything from then to carry over to the future.”
“I want a future with you. I don’t want to hear anything about you being sick as a reason why not.”
She covered his lips with her fingertip, her lips curled into a warm smile. “Shane, I’m not going to push you away but you need to understand something.”
He frowned but didn’t try to pull her finger from his lips. He wondered what she’d do if he sucked on it.
“I know you’re happy you finally got your finances fixed. I’m really glad for you because I know it’s been weighing on you. But this thing between us has never been about money. Shh. Let me finish.” She pressed her lips to his and his blood warmed. “You need to understand that I haven’t done any of this for your bank account or your ability to stand or any of the things that have been working their way through your brain. I just wanted to be here for you.” She pressed her lips to his. “Just you.”
“Can I talk now?” he asked, his words muffled against her finger.
“Depends on what you’re getting ready to say.” Her lips curled in an impish grin.
“I was just going to say thank you.” He snatched her hand and gave into his fantasy. He cradled her finger in his and drew it slowly into his mouth. Her breath hitched and her lips parted. He licked the tip and watched her eyes darken. “And I was going to see how you felt about coming to bed with me.” He drew her finger once more into the heat of his mouth.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her lips against his. Her tongue slipped against his and he shivered, his entire body going tight. “That’s a fantastic idea,” she whispered.
She helped him into the bed and out of his clothes. He laid back on the pillows and watched her move. For the first time since he’d gotten hurt, his legs weren’t the all consuming obsession that they had been. He was naked and exposed and simply waiting for Jen to douse the lights.
He wished she would leave them on. But she darkened the room and in the shadows, he watched her undress. He closed his eyes for a moment, wishing for the day when he could remove her clothes and lay her back and slide inside her. She’d wrap her legs around his waist as he’d thrust deep and slow.
The mattress dipped beneath her weight and he felt her heat as she crawled up his body. Disappointment clutched at him when he realized she’d kept her tank top on. His fingers trembled as he threaded them in her hair, drawing her down with him until he laid flat and she was sprawled across him.
He kissed her, sliding his hands down her back to cup her rear. He stroked her belly, her thighs, inching closer but never touching her. She licked his earlobe and she gasped as he ran one finger up her inner thigh, breaking off at the last second.
She mewled and shifted, spreading her thighs, inviting his touch.
“Tell me what you want,” he whispered, stroking his thumb over her sensitive skin. Teasing her and dying a little death each time he tempted her.
She whimpered near his ear.
“Tell me,” he urged, skimming his finger along the outer cusp of her soft golden curls, aching to slip them into her heat.
“Touch me.” Her voice was a plea, barely audible.
She straddled him but he gripped her and yanked her up until her knees were near his shoulders and her soft heat a breath from his lips.
“Shane, no —”
“Shh.” He stroked his palms over her thighs, trying to soothe the trembling anticipation deep inside her. “Trust me, Jen.”
She whimpered, her body taut as a bow string as he stroked her. He savored her scent, her warm heat and he nearly came at the delicious sounds she was making before he’d even touched her.
He slid his hands slowly, so slowly, around her thighs, his arms encircling her, bracing her open, exposing her to his touch. He blew a soft stream of air on her curls and she bucked, her hands latching onto the headboard for balance, a cry on her lips.
She’d never felt more vulnerable than she did right now. She’d never sat like this, open and exposed and she was glad for the dark. She’d never been touched like he’d touched her. Not once in her life had anyone looked at her with such pleasure. Anticipation pulsed through her veins with every beat of her heart and she waited. Wanted.
Slowly, he parted her and in the dim light, he saw her swollen and glistening for him. He glanced up. She bit her lip, her eyes dark with arousal. His tongue darted out, touching her most sensitive spot and the purity of her cry sent him closer to the edge. Her thighs clenched against his shoulders even as her hips rocked her against his mouth.
She closed her eyes and embraced the pleasure he created with each stroke of his tongue. Let it flow through her veins and take her higher and higher until she felt the tiny quakes start building to a blinding flash that was just out of reach.
He released her thigh to slip a single finger inside her. She shattered and nearly took him with her as her release dragged on and on and on.
He urged her lower and she found enough coherent thought to slide down his body until his erection was poised just at her heat. Each tiny stroke of his head against her slick opening sent pleasure spiking through her.
Slowly, so slowly, she slid down, taking him inch by thick inch until he was seated fully inside her.
She rocked against him in the rhythm that slid her tight sheath over him again until Shane thought he would explode with each stroke. He pulled her down and kissed her and he could feel her surprise at her taste on his lips. His own pleasure built, staggering closer to the edge with each delicious slide of her body.
He came suddenly, without warning, his release tearing from him in jagged, relentless explosions that went on forever. Jen continued her rhythm until she shattered a moment behind him and collapsed on his chest, quivering as her release rocked through her again and again.
Her breathing was ragged against his neck and he felt her heart beating against his chest.
And the tiny blossom of hope inside him reached toward the one source of light in his life.