The little human screwed up. I knew she wasn’t supposed to be in here. Her mother is somewhat neurotic when it comes to my impending escape. But today, I found the Achilles heel of her defenses, all thanks to the little human.

You know, all in all, I don’ t mind the humans. Honestly, they’re not entirely repulsive except for that whole keeping me in a cage thing. I feel like a hamster steak. The little black devil just sits there all day, staring at me with his devil eyes. But even him, I’ve gotten used to. I think he wants to play and by play I mean stick his claws in my belly and see if I’m real or a toy. The orange wolf, though? She wants to eat me. She’s told me she wants to suck the marrow from my bones. Dude, do you know how little hamster bones are? That’s really sick.

I wish I’d paid better attention in hamster SERE training. At least to the evade part. Escape? Yeah, where was I.

So the little human was fiddling with the cage. There’s this slidy thingy and I just watched her as she turned it then reached in to pet me. I let her because she’d just handed me the keys to the kingdom. I moved to the latch. Gave it a little nudge. It moved.

Victory is mine. I turned it all the way and damned if it didn’t fall all the way to the floor.

Floor. Seventeen hamster lengths down. I didn’t really think this whole escape thing through.

Deep breaths. It’s now or never and I am tired of feeling like a hamster kebob just waiting for her death.

Seventeen hamster lengths.

I really wished I paid attention to hamster rappelling 101.