Apparently, I have a genetic predisposition to worry incessantly about something. The constant redesign of my website comes from two things: one, I want it to look like a typical writer’s website and two, I don’t want it to look like a typical writer’s website. So I continue to worry and stress. I almost had a damn panic attack about this foolish thing before I went to sleep this morning (yes, that means a new site is up).
Several weeks ago, my husband went out in sector with the brigade CSM. I told myself he was going to be fine and I was not going to worry. Yeah, right. I got to my CHU and started imagining getting woken up by The Knock. The worry that I’d open the door and see the chaplain standing there. It got so big in my head, I had to force myself to go to sleep. And when he came in and woke me up to tell me he was back, the relief that crawled across my heart was insane.
You’d think that now that I had an agent, things would settle down in my head, right? Wrong. I keep thinking that this is all a dream and that Kim is going to email me one day and so oh, so sorry but you misunderstood me. Seriously, this is the new thing I’m worried about. I mean, come on, she’s got fantastic clients like Julie Kenner, Brenda Novak and Allison Brennan.
So the neuroses continue on the writing front. Julie Kenner swears it never goes away and I’m starting to think she’s absolutely right.
On the home front, my hubby and I are going on R&R next week and I’m starting to get wound up about that. Not the going home part. Not that first hug at the airport or the constant Mommy I want your attention part. It’s the leaving part. I haven’t even gone yet and I’m upset about having to come back.
Really? Is this normal? Or am I just going quietly crazy over here, finding things to worry about to keep my mind busy?
Right now, it’s 230 in the morning. I’m going to file my nightly report and then sit down in front of my Macbook and write. I’m hopefully going to channel all this insanity into a character that will be stressed out but sympathetic and hopefully not crazy. You’ll have to tell me what you think of her, if she ever gets published.